First things first. I'm always going to change names in my stories. People in PNG read blogs. There is a PNG Gossip Newsletter that finds and distributes links to interesting blogs about PNG. The last thing I want to do is to further compromise the privacy of people who are already hurting. I'll change other facts, too to help obscure their identity. The core facts of my stories will always be true, but many of the details will be flat out lies! There, I've confessed in advance.
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So, with that in mind.... Maria and John. Yeah, Maria and John.
They've been married just a few months. Within a couple of months of their marriage Maria began to be ill. She felt weak, had frequent nausea, and lost weight. By about 5 months into the marriage John began to worry that Maria had AIDS. It's a testament to his faith in her that he assumed that in order for her to have it, he had to be HIV positive. So instead of suggesting that she be tested, he went and had himself tested, and was quite relieved to be negative. He let the matter drop.
A few months later, as she was getting worse, he went and repeated the test. Still negative. Finally, just a few weeks ago, he took her to a hospital in a province near ours. Among the many tests that they did there was an HIV test, which was positive. By then her symptoms included confusion. Her mother was with her there, and for reasons that I don't understand, took her, and they slipped out of the hospital and ran away back to Maria's home village. Perhaps the mother underestimated the depth of John's commitment to Maria, and was afraid that he would take some reprisal.
Within a few days, her family began to recognize how ill she was (although only her mother knew about the positive HIV test), and brought her here to Nazarene Hospital. John has relatives who work here, and was actually staying here with them, but it was a day or two until he found out that she'd been admitted. In her evaluation here, the HIV status was confirmed. John was tested yet again, and was again negative.
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John's dilemma was that when Maria's male relatives finally found out the situation, they would assume (as he himself had) that he was the one who had infected her, and would attack and possibly even kill him. He wanted someone in a position of authority (you'll be surprised to learn that he was thinking of me!) to be the one to inform them that she has AIDS, and at the same time explain to them that he was HIV-negative. Because of the advanced state of her AIDS, it is in fact likely that she contracted HIV long before she met John.
So, as Maria herself was now too confused to give informed consent herself, I felt it was John's right to grant me permission to tell the family. I discussed it with some of my colleagues, and decided that that was indeed the best way to proceed. He would ring her family and ask them to come to the hospital Saturday morning because the doctor needed to talk to them about Maria.
Saturday morning I went to do ward rounds with a sense of dread. I knew that it could be a difficult and even tense meeting. I had mixed emotions when I got to the ward and discovered that Maria and her mother had again run away! But a couple of hours later I learned that the family had tracked them down near the provincial border. They were probably heading back to the first hospital. The meeting was now rescheduled for John's relative's back yard.
I was surprised at some of the people who were there. There were several other people from the station who were related in some way. John's relatives had invited Pastor Robert from the nearby Nazarene church. He opened the meeting in prayer, and then turned it over to me. It wasn't an easy task. It was hard to know what to say at all, but then I had to say it in my second language, and the more nervous I get, the worse my Pidgin gets.
I stated the facts as simply as I could. Then I stated that I was no longer speaking as the doctor, but as a friend. I talked about the fact that not one of us there was without the need for forgiveness. We've all done wrong, and God has either forgiven us, or is ready and willing to do so. I said that just as past actions (especially Maria's) have affected present circumstances, our actions now would affect our lives into the future for better or for worse. I turned to Maria's family and stated that they must have seen some good in John if they had allowed their daughter to marry him. There were nods of agreement. I turned to John's family and stated that they must have seen good in Maria to allow one of their young men to marry her. Again, the nods.
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"Those things have not changed," I said, "they are still there. This hasn't changed them." Again there were nods all around. "These young people will need the support of both families if they are to get through this and strengthen their marriage. Anger or fighting won't help them. Only your love and support will help." I asked for the privilege of praying with them, and asked God to direct and guide them all.
I looked up to see a security guard from the hospital who had obviously been sent to summon me back there. I explained that I had to get back and excused myself. On my way I passed near Maria's dad, whose eyes met mine. I could only imagine the flood of emotions that were going through his heart. Sorrow for his daughter. A sense of betrayal. Anger. He offered me his hand, and shook mine warmly.
Several hours later I passed by the house where the meeting had been held, and saw Maria's family at the road loading into the truck that they had come in, while still visiting with John's family. I saw no blood, wound or bandages, so I was happy! They all greeted me cheerfully, but it just wasn't a good time to ask about details of the rest of the meeting. Later I talked to one of John's relatives, who told me that it had gone very well. There had been hours of speeches, of course, but in the end they all agreed to help and support this young couple. Later yet, I learned that a few days before, John had prayed to recommit his life to Jesus.
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Please pray with me for John and Maria. God knows their real names! He knows the pain in their hearts. He knows the pain and frustration of their families. Please pray that Maria will be consistent with medical treatment, which will probably involve the use of anti-retroviral drugs. Pray that she will follow John's lead in committing her life to Jesus. And pray for me, Bill, Jim, Susan, Scott, Erin, and the soon-to-come Rebecca and Stephanie as we battle on against AIDS,
violence, and the countless other consequences of sin and evil in the world. Pray the the Great Physician would give us strength, wisdom, good judgment and the stretching of limited resources.
Yours and His,
Andy
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Photos
1 A sunset seen from near Konduk
2 A flower of some kind. Photo by Sam Bennett
3 A wedding, not John and Maria's. The couple are kneeling, surrounded by a large wreath of flowers that has a lot of the same symbolism as a wedding ring, but also symbolizes the prayers of their families which will continue to surround.
Ok, the last 2 photos look a little silly and out of place, but really they fit in nicely. They are three of my fellow doctors here that I request prayer for in the last paragraph.
4 The always-dignified Dr. Bill McCoy, holding treasure.5 To introduce my soon-to-be-newest colleague, Dr. Rebecca Wallace, seen here dressed as Strawberry Shortcake during a Harvest party on her visit last year. She will be arriving soon. She will be coming as a post-residency fellow, like Dr. Erin Meier (shown here on the right in a costume that I don't recall), who is one year into her two-year fellowship.
You are never more alone than when you have trouble or pain, and none of your loved ones are there to share and comfort you. At such a time, even a kind stranger is welcome relief.
The attackers left her there, bleeding, crying and in awful pain there alone by the road. In PNG culture there is no real obligation to help people from outside your own tribe, but it happens all the time. Someone saw the attack, waited until the attackers were gone, and then went to Amban's aid. They wrapped the bleeding stump tightly in whatever cloth they could find. They wrapped up the severed arm and brought it along, no doubt hoping that we could sew it back on. Unfortunately, reimplantation is well beyond our technical limitations.
My honorarium for speaking at the Kukon Church of the Nazarene this morning.
Wednesday morning
Friday morning. Big improvement, huh?
Our star with his happy mom.
And of course, I couldn't resist including one with the happy doctor.
John's dilemma was that when Maria's male relatives finally found out the situation, they would assume (as he himself had) that he was the one who had infected her, and would attack and possibly even kill him. He wanted someone in a position of authority (you'll be surprised to learn that he was thinking of me!) to be the one to inform them that she has AIDS, and at the same time explain to them that he was HIV-negative. Because of the advanced state of her AIDS, it is in fact likely that she contracted HIV long before she met John.
"Those things have not changed," I said, "they are still there. This hasn't changed them." Again there were nods all around. "These young people will need the support of both families if they are to get through this and strengthen their marriage. Anger or fighting won't help them. Only your love and support will help." I asked for the privilege of praying with them, and asked God to direct and guide them all.
Please pray with me for John and Maria. God knows their real names! He knows the pain in their hearts. He knows the pain and frustration of their families. Please pray that Maria will be consistent with medical treatment, which will probably involve the use of anti-retroviral drugs. Pray that she will follow John's lead in committing her life to Jesus. And pray for me, Bill, Jim, Susan, Scott, Erin, and the soon-to-come Rebecca and Stephanie as we battle on against AIDS, 
violence, and the countless other consequences of sin and evil in the world. Pray the the Great Physician would give us strength, wisdom, good judgment and the stretching of limited resources.
...
